I hope you are well and taking good care of yourselves.
As you know today is my mother’s birthday.
My handsome husband was kind enough to move my car this morning and allow me to sleep a little longer. He also adorably didn’t put my keys back in my purse so when I left the house this morning to go to work, I locked myself out and couldn’t open my car. Instead of getting upset and feeling like my day was ruined; cancelling my client, getting pissed at my husband and crawling back into bed; I called an Uber and went to work.
It was my first LA Uber drive; I have only used Uber at airports. I met the loveliest woman who drove me to work. We instantly connected and became friends. Her name is Kim, she is Australian, a photographer who has a personal passion for photographing children with special needs as her daughter has special needs. She is a single mom making ends meet by hustling multiple jobs. She was my morning angel that my mom sent me. I went to work and got another Uber ride home. My hubby had come home and left my keys out for me so I could get my car and continue on with my day honoring my mother’s 68th birthday. I am so proud of myself for consciously choosing another response instead of the instantaneous one that arose.
I then went to have a session with my beloved therapist. My sessions with her are such a sacred space for me to really spend time with my emotions around my mother’s suicide, living a life without her and honoring her. I am blessed to have cultivated this practice with my therapist; many of you know her and I cannot say enough about how her offerings have impacted my life and deepened my wisdom.
After that I decided to spontaneously get a massage near her office. Without much thought I just walked into one of my favorite spots and asked if there was an opening and there was! As I was getting the massage I remembered my mother was a masseuse! Not that I ever forget that, but I wasn’t aware of it in that moment when my car just drove me to this place. During the session I felt my mother’s hands touching me, I felt her love and her healing energy being channeled through the masseuse. I smiled the entire time as I reflected upon all the years she would practice on me while she was studying massage and acupressure.
Then I took myself to lunch at Follow Your Heart, where I grew up and spent many hours after they closed hanging out with my mom and her boyfriend, who worked there. It was as if I was nine years old again and I was sneaking carob chips into my white knit sweater pockets. I remember eating them and picking the lint out of my mouth as I snuck a handful when they weren’t looking. 🙂 (carob chips still take me back to that time whenever I see them)
I closed my mother’s special day with a hike at Fryman Cyn. It was just at sunset and was beautiful. I felt her with me as I watched the sky change from white, to blue, to purple, to deep cobalt blue.
Every place I went she had been before; she drove the same route as she drove to her private clients, she walked on the same trail, shopped at the same store and walked on the same floor, sat in the same couch as I had taken her to see my therapist before, she had lived in our home.
I always feel my mom; I always hear her, sense her, align with her. Today was an especially connected day though. I am very grateful to have so many spaces in my life where she has been, and people she has known; for I can revisit them and touch them…I can remember.
“Before you were born – I knew you”
My mother used to always say this to me. I still hear her voice whispering these words in my ear. I miss her every moment but I am missing her more now. Tell your loved ones how you feel about them, hug them closely and listen to them deeply.
Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, let them know your heart, don’t put it off, do it now. It is important.
Don’t assume they know. Remind them. Life is so precious everyone, truly be here for it.
Blessings to you all.
If anyone would like to contact Kim, the Uber-cool Uber driver, about a photo shoot for special needs children, or any of her other shoots, here is her info:
+1 (213) 309-7676